Last Friday in Coach Brooks Alexander’s room, World History teacher Mr. Nicholas Scerbo finally managed to summon a 10,000 year old Astral being while attempting to write notes on the board for his class for the first time this year. 

When asking his sophomore U.S. History class about the Revolutionary War, Mr. Scerbo accidentally misspelled King George III as Kgin Q’uttajkol (Chthonic for “It That Weeps”). Bergen County’s leading scientists theorize that chemicals in the dry-erase ink possibly created a natural summoning circle that immediately called out into the Void. 

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This may come as a shock to readers with how late it is. Ever since he first joined Hills, Mr. Scerbo usually managed to invoke the corporeal form of at least one multi-dimensional horror by the end of September. He, too, was surprised; he hadn’t anticipated it occurring “so late into the year,” but due to our hybrid schedule, it was expected. “It’s kind of embarrassing if I’m being honest,” admitted Mr. Scerbo. “Usually I’m more punctual than this. I thought for a second that I had lost my touch.”

“It’s a rite of passage, really,” stated senior Hunter Thompson. “Seeing [Mr. Scerbo] conjure up some monster thing. I remember my first time seeing that as a frosh.” 

According to a recent poll sent out to the 12th grade, approximately 40% of the upperclassmen have seen Beasts from the Abyss firsthand, and 59% have heard accounts of such events. The remaining 1% have personally experienced the Abyss. After returning to the Mortal Realm, they have been reported to speak in tongues, spin their heads like owls, excel at History, and accomplish other unnatural and inhuman feats. 

Normally, a creature such as Kgin Q’uttajkol would go on a slaughtering spree before being sent down to guidance. But due to current Covid-19 restrictions, it was forced to wear a mask and maintain six feet of social distance. Only three sophomores succumbed to madness upon witnessing its true form, which the U.S. Department of Education considers “an acceptable loss,” especially in comparison to the Red Year.

We asked Mr. Scerbo how many infernal beings he’s summoned since he arrived at Hills. “You know,” he began, “I used to keep track of that. I had a miniature white board where I make a tally each time some entity crossed into our realm. It stopped being fun after my fifth marker ran out of ink.”